I Love Money 4..What I have to say...

So, the finale just aired...and as you see I didnt win. :(

You're probably wondering how I feel about losing my chance at winning $250,000... Needless to say I cried like a lil bitch when I lost, but then again...what was I suppose to do, jump for joy :/

To be honest, at that moment it was heartbreaking. Not because I didnt win. But because I KNEW that I gave up. When I saw myself so far behind Mindy and Brooklyn at that last leg of the challenge, something in me told me I had lost, and in a way I quit trying...even tho the competition wasnt over. So yeah, I was hurt.

BUT...

Some things happen for a reason. After the finale, Mindy, Brooklyn, and myself were sitting in that huge house, no cameras, no crew, just us...and there was nothing left to do but talk...That talk we had that night changed my outlook on losing.

Now its not my place to tell anyone's business, but Mindy told myself and Brooklyn some very personal things about herself, her life, and her struggles that she was dealing with at the time. I thought to myself "wow, this chick has it rough."

I knew she had it rough before ( thats why in one of the episodes I was being a bitch and throwing it in her face :( sorry) but she revealed its more rough than we knew.

Of course I wasnt the biggest Mindy fan, but you dont have to be best friends with someone just to understand them and feel where theyre coming from.

After listening to Mindy story, I can say, I didn't deserve to win that money, she did. She was at a point in her life where she NEEDED something like that to happen to her cuz there was really no where else for her to turn. I on the other hand, being 21 at the time knew I had alot more opportunities in my life. Now I'm 23, and living comfortable with no complaints, I actually must say, I'm more than blessed for the lifestyle I have now. Someone like Mindy deserves that money more than someone like me...

Two years ago, I wanted that money to help out my dad...2 years later my dad is doing great, so what you REALLY think I would be spending some of that money on now(cus you know the winner doesnt get the money til the show is completely done airing)...(Lets be real)

Everything happens for a reason.

Mindy was the only person in that house who's heart and soul was in that game. Someone couldve chopped off that girls legs and she wouldve still been determinded to win that money, cuz to her it was alot more than just money....Theres a difference between needs and wants. Everyone else in that house WANTED 250,000....I truly think Mindy needed it.

I hope Mindy is doing much better now and enjoying that nice paycheck.

Congrats girl, you deserve it!

Find A Guy Who...

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her... "

Kim Vs. Nicki

I was on twitter and saw everyone tweeting about this whole Kim vs. Nicki thing thats going on. Everyone choosing sides, giving their input..etc. So I decided to tweet my OWN input.

Heres what I tweeted...

"I keep seeing this whole lil kim, nicki minaj ish on my timeline.. Let me tell ya'll my input..Every artist in the industry usually start off swagger jackin another artist or individual.BUTTTTT they EVENTUALLY figure out how to create their OWN persona with what they started out with.. For instance (cont'd)
Lady Gaga came from Madonna came from Marilyn Monroe, Marilyn Monroe (jus in case u didn't know) Betty Boop.They all started out "swagger jackin" someone else, but at the end of the day, they created their OWN persona... That's what I think of kim n nicki. Nicki may have STARTED OUT doin it like kim did, but now,she's on a whole nother level of somethin diff.. So with that said.. Kim and Nicki r two different ppl on two different levels to me. #ThatIsAll :drops mic:"

To me, Kim holds the crown for "ol school rap"(and her new diss record against Nicki proves that...Kim is and will always be one of the top ol school female rappers).. thats a title Nicki could never take. And Nicki holds a whole another title of her own in our generation.

It doesnt matter IF Nicki started out "swagger jackin" Lil Kim.. Who Nicki Minaj is NOW, is NOTHING compared to what Lil Kim is or ever was. Her style and her style of rap is COMPLETELY different at this point. So that leaves me to ask..

WHATS THE BEEF?

What is there to argue about or even compare. Two seperate artist, making two different marks in the entertainment industry. Period.

I think these two would create more of a buzz if they were just to make a collaboration than beefing with each other...but thats just my opinion.

A Lil Inspiration For Your Day

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“The degree of responsibility you take for your life determines how much change you can create in it.”

"The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible"

“Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you can come to your senses.”

“Instead of thinking outside the box, just get rid of it.”

"Dont stare so long at a door that closed that you dont see the door which opened"

"If you fail to learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them"

"Never ask someone to find time... If they want time, they will make it"

"Let your life be your message"

"Have the courage to look pass whats wrong, and see the value in whats right"

"Dont let someone walk away for it to take you to see what was standing right in front of you"

Never Go Away...

The song is called Never Go Away by Boyz II Men
And everytime I hear it my soul screams "Please Come Back" Boyz II Men... Please make a comeback.
Just a guitar and amazing voices and you have TRUE talent that VERY few artist can match these days...

This is absolutely one of my favorite songs

Blast From The Past

Every once in a while you encounter something from your past, and I just so happen to come across this. Its more than just a little personal, but none the less, I choose to share it. Its a poem I wrote to my ex in front with a picture in the background of the two of us. I read it now and laugh a lil... Obviously at the time when I wrote the poem I was "heartbroken" but needless to say, years later Im Ok. Time does heal wounds, but memories last forever.


A Picture
Evidence of what use to be
with you and me
and me and you
a time when it felt like dreams came true
Dreams...
all thats been left behind
along with memories when you were mine
and I was yours
to have and to hold
forever in time until we grew old
Time...
the only thing I cant reverse
back to the moments when u put me first
now these feelings feel like a curse
feeling that can be described in words
I love you
I need you
I live you
I breath you
You...
the noun that crushed my soul
the only reason why Im not whole
the only reason why Im not me
im not me because you cant see
See...
and though you cant Im ok
I go through this struggle day to day
but day to day I moved on
with the strength of a bull to make me strong
to pick up the pencil and a single sheet
and try to sketch what you cant see
to draw the foundation of my dream
then paint the portrait of you and me
A picture
the evidence of what could be

-Kamille Leai

Kamille Leai Wisdom

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If someone doesnt want you for who you are, then be happy. You wont have to change for the person who does.

Fight for what you want...Its the battle that makes you apprecaite the victory.

When you're single its easy to feel alone, the hard part is understanding that may be better for you.

Dwelling on your past stops you from changing your future.

In order to win, you have to risk losing...Take that chance.

Listen! Opportunity make be knocking softly.

There is no difference in quitting because you think you might fail and failing...They are one in the same